“Ben Affleck Murders for Sport” Watch This! (PC) – DEBUFF

Posted October 10, 2016 by Danny Mills in Video Games

Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this Golden Ticket, from Mr Ben Affleck! I shake you warmly by the hand! Tremendous things are in store for you! Many wonderful surprises await you! For now, I do invite you to come to my slaughterhou- uh, factory, and be my guest for one whole day – you and all others who are lucky enough to find my Golden Tickets. I, Ben Affleck, will observe you via direct feed from a GoPro that we will attach to your head, showing all our viewers everything that there is to see, and afterwards, when it is time to leave, you will be escorted home by a procession of large cannibals. These cannibals, I can promise you, will be loaded with many other delicious contestants that they have eaten over many years. If, at any time within, you should find the heart of T’Voolkhu, you have only to come back to an entrance and show the heart, and you shall be free to go at your leisure. In this way, you will be able to keep yourself alive, and not a tasty morsel for the rest of your life. But this is by no means the most exciting thing that will happen on the day of your visit. I am preparing other surprises that are even more marvellous and even more fantastic for you and for all my beloved Golden Ticket holders – mystic and marvellous surprises that will maim, drown, disembowel, decapitate and immolate you beyond recognition. In your wildest dreams you could not imagine such things could happen to you! Just wait and see! And now, here are your instructions: the day I have chosen for the visit is the first day of the month of February. On this day, and on no other, you must come to the factory gates at ten o’clock sharp in the morning. Don’t be late! And you are allowed to bring with you either one or two members of your own family to ensure that the cannibals don’t go hungry. One more thing – be certain to have this ticket with you, otherwise you will not be admitted and will be killed on the spot.

About the Author

Danny Mills

13 days ago, in 1947, the world was given a gift. this gift came in the form of a bouncing baby boy. That boy quickly became a pile of human trash. Now you can laugh at him.