Chaoseater: The Sword of War Review
I like to think of the almighty tax return as the government’s way of giving me permission to buy something stupid. As a consumer, I like the idea of owning things, and of course there are always things I want to own; however, logic and normalcy demand I buy food and pay rent, and the oppressive hand that is the American banking system gets very upset when I forget to pay my student loans.
Enter that one check where logic and normalcy needn’t apply, that one check that shows up in my mailbox and, for all intents and purposes, has the words “spend me” written in the memo line.
Who am I to deny such an imagined and projected impulse?
This year, I took that check and purchased a replica of Chaoseater, War’s sword from the video game Darksiders. I did not need a replica of Chaoseater; in fact, no one needs a replica of Chaoseater, but sometimes it’s fun to give into wants and passing fancy. I now own one monster of a video game prop, and I feel compelled to talk about it.
Chaoseater is really, really cool.
So, consider this a review, but know that I won’t be scoring this item or even telling you to buy it. Wall decorations don’t give out the same kinds of joy as the video games they are based on, and while a video game will offer entertainment that can be scored and valued, a wall decoration really is just a wall decoration. No one really needs a video game, but no one ever needs a wall decoration.
Let’s start with the basics then: Chaoseater is huge. It measures 46 inches long (close to four feet) from the bottom of the hilt to the tip of the blade and nine inches across at its widest part. It weighs close to 20 pounds. The thing is impressively large.
Chaoseater’s size is, sadly, both a joy and a problem. I love that it’s huge, yet it’s too heavy to easily hold and maneuver, and both its girth and weight make it difficult to hang. You’ll absolutely need to find a wall stud for fear of it coming loose and falling down. For those with wall collectables already, you’ll want to make sure you have an appropriate place to put this as its weight won’t allow it to seamlessly fit in with your collection. In my case, I got lucky.
The sword is constructed from a mix of steel and cold-cast resin, and as a prop, it looks stunning. What I own looks exactly like what War uses in Darksiders. The mix of materials has allowed United Cutlery to make a glorious piece of artwork, yet this too poses both a joy and a problem. I love how authentic Chaoseater is, but the fact that it’s more cold-cast resin than steel gives it a fragile feel.
The handle is made out of steel, and there’s a steel piece that runs up through the blade until, perhaps, its midway point. If I tap on the blade starting near its base and work my way up, I eventually begin to hear a hollow sound. The edge to the blade is also completely hollow.
I can’t speak to Chaoseater’s durability, but I feel compelled to handle it with delicacy. Holding it in some kind of vertical fashion feels fine, but when I hold it outwards, horizontally, I can feel a lot of stress put on the handle. I don’t think it will break, but I don’t want to tempt it either.
The sword itself is gorgeous. Ghastly faces run down the center of the blade, open mouthed and screaming, and every detail is hand painted. The handle is wrapped in real leather which feels soft and adds a since of realism to the entire package. Each sword has a written serial number on it, right above the trademark information, which gives an intimacy to the artwork much like a signed painting or album. I own number Chaoseater number 1453, and no one else has this particular one. That’s cool.
With Chaoseater, you’ll also get a wall mount and a letter of authenticity. The wall mount looks small and unsteady, yet it does its job remarkably well. I’ve had the sword hanging on it for quite some time now, and I no longer worry about it slipping off. It’s an elegant piece of equipment that does exactly what it needs to while not overshadowing the sword itself.
The letter of authenticity is exactly what it sounds like. War is pictured on the front while information on the sword is printed on the back. I wound up cutting my letter in half while opening Chaoseater since it was situated right near the main line of packing tape. Had I not destroyed the letter though, I’d have hung it up next to the sword.
I could keep writing about the sword and how detailed it is, or I could just post a ton of pictures. The latter is the easier, so here’s an image dump:
As I said at the top of this “review,” I’m both not scoring this or telling you to buy it. Wall decorations are wall decorations, and that is exactly what this prop is. If you’re a collector of movie/video game props or fantasy swords, this is an impressive piece. If you’re a big fan of Darksiders, you’ll (maybe) find a certain joy in owning that which War uses to slay all manner of demons and angels. I don’t know; I’m not you.
I will say that I’m absolutely happy with my purchase, and I smile every time I see this thing. It’s just really, really cool.