Oh… Sir! The Insult Simulator Review

Posted October 31, 2016 by Jean-Luc Botbyl in Video Games

I’m going to be blunt here: Oh… Sir! The Insult Simulator is not a good game.

I mean, perhaps the point of it is to be a terrible parody of bad video games with low production values. Actually, based on the time I put into it, there’s no way that’s true. There’s absolutely zero self awareness to be found here – I get the sense that the game actually thinks it’s good.

Oh no. I’m talking about a game as if it were a living thing. That can’t be a good thing.

Anyways, the basic conceit of the game is… well, the title kind of explains it. The player character stands across from an enemy, and you insult them. However, you have to insult them using a set of words and phrases given to you. It’s turn based, so you select one of the words from the word pool, and then your opponent selects one, until you’re each content with your insults. You deliver your insults, and that deals damage to your opponent.

Of course, there are more systems on top of this. For instance, characters will have sensitivities – you can insult someone’s outfit, and get a damage bonus. There’s a slo a rudimentary combo system that doesn’t make much sense. If you use the same word or phrase in your insult multiple times in a row, you get a combo bonus. Look, I don’t really know why just randomly tossing the word “elderberries” into an insult three times in a row makes it more potent either.

The problem with these systems is that none of them make the game more interesting to play. The Insult Simulator is a bland, repetitive experience. Generally, you would assume that systems introduced in the early stages of the game would be developed upon in the game’s later stages. So I kept playing, kind of waiting for the game to get more complex (and maybe more interesting). It never happened.  Even worse is that the insults you can create are just as boring. As a comedic experience, the game is an abject failure. Nothing about it is funny, except the fact that some people will pay money for this game.

Actually, that’s not funny. That’s kind of depressing. I feel bad for those people, I truly do.

What’s so disappointing about that is the fact that there’s room for really witty, funny dialogue here. Instead, it feels phoned in. I guess if you’re just looking for a sense of randomness, then maybe this is for you. I don’t know, I just expect a bit more out of my video game writing. In part, this can be chalked up to awful voice acting. The delivery is all bad, and it’s edited together in a way that makes it feel super clunky.

Insult Simulator is cheap, and it shows. I hate saying things like, because it feels unnecessarily reductive – even this year, there have been some really cheap games that I’ve loved. But this one feels hastily thrown together with little care.

It’s rare that a game is able to turn me off so hard within the first ten minutes. The most insulting thing about Insult Simulator is that it had zero respect for my time. Sure, I’m in the unique position of having to sink hours into it to actually compose a review. But it felt like such a complete waste of my time. It’s a monotonous experience that provides absolutely no value – and honestly, I feel even worse about writing this review.

There are so many other products – films, comics, video games – that I would rather be writing about. Things that are actually important. I mean, I guess it’s semi-important that people know how much of an utter disaster The Insult Simulator is. But man… it’s not even interesting or fun to write about this trainwreck. It just bums me out that it even exists, even setting aside the fact I had to fucking play it.

In short: don’t play this game. Don’t buy this game. Don’t even consider buying this game.

About the Author

Jean-Luc Botbyl

Jean-Luc is a grizzled veteran of We the Nerdy. Most days, he just wonders why he hasn't been formally fired. Follow him on Twitter at @J_LFett to make him feel validated.