Talkin’ Bout Rasslin

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Posted August 28, 2013 by Brian Caudill in Nerdy Bits

I’m writing to you all from 15 years in the past. The Corporation led by the McMahon family has picked a young “corporate” superstar to lead sports entertainment into the future. Oh wait…it’s 2013? You could’ve fooled me.

The past

I’m actually loving this storyline. My earliest memories of watching wrestling are watching The Corporation and The Ministry of Darkness completely take over every Monday night. They even found a trio of enforcers in the Shield who were on the brink of becoming just another stale faction. This completely goes against everything Shield originally stood for, but this is the WWE and by God, they don’t need to worry about continuity.

The present

Every summer there’s usually one “can’t miss” storyline, and it seems like we finally have one this year (maybe even two with how amazing the Punk/Heyman storyline has been). Last night the show opened with Triple H gifting Randy Orton a brand new Cadillac Escalade. If this was your first time watching, you probably thought “Hey, what a great gift! I bet he’ll enjoy driving home tonight.” NOPE. This is taking a cue from years of DX, Stone Cold, John Cena, and even Kofi Kingston trashing opponents cars. Even though I saw it coming a mile away, it was still an enjoyable nod to the Attitude Era.

Raw this week included an amazing promo from none other than AJ Lee. She came out after a match that brought all stars from Total Divas out to the ring. I couldn’t tell you who beat who, as I normally fast forward through any divas match that doesn’t include AJ. I tune into Raw to watch great wrestling with a good story. The divas division has had neither since around 2006 (save from Kharma’s short stint), and I think that was the point that AJ was trying to make. She called out all of the Total Divas for not actually loving or caring about wrestling, the fact that they were handed the spotlight that she worked her entire life to get, and for being glorified models. The crowd completely ate it up, which I’m hoping will spark a change in the division. I know there will always be a chunk of divas that won’t be able to wrestle a match. I’m okay with that, but I want to see more like Trish Stratus, Molly Holly, Victoria, and Lita. You can be both beautiful and talented. Until WWE can give me that, there’s always TNA.

Pipe bomb!

There were a few great matches on Raw. Orton beat Christian in another classic. These guys have amazing chemistry, and it’s not hard to see why they keep getting paired up. One of the biggest highlights of the show was CM Punk vs Curtis Axel with the stipulation that Heyman had to get in the ring with Punk if Punk wins the match. Punk wins the match, and Heyman is dragged into the ring only for Axel to jump Punk. The after the match beating Heyman gave to Punk was kind of a metaphor for my last relationship: Her screaming “I loved you” while beating me with a kendo stick. Also, she was kind of a walrus…

The main event brought us a match that five years ago you probably could have found on an ROH card. Daniel Bryan’s punishment from Triple H was to run a gauntlet against all three members of the Shield. The product of that was a long, back and forth match between Bryan and Rollins. Bryan finally won after his new running knee finisher. The gauntlet ended in a no contest after all the Shield jumped in the ring to team up on Bryan. Randy Orton ended the show by getting his revenge for his car by RKO-ing the already beaten Bryan. (Side Note: I would drive the YES-mobile any day.)

There’s not a lot to say about Smackdown. It was pretty uneventful other than the great Daniel Bryan/Wade Barrett steel cage match. At this point, why don’t we just put the stipulation out there that Daniel Bryan must be in the main event match every week. The guy is a workhorse, and the fans are loving it. Imagine how stale the shows would be if you replaced Daniel Bryan in with say…Sheamus? It would unbearable.

Impact Wrestling was another “blah” show this week, but the main event was pretty great. I’m happy to see AJ Styles out of his Spiderman 3 phase. All he needed to get pulled out of his depression was to be wanted, and for that we thank you Main Event Mafia. Devon was pinned, meaning he’s now fired from the company. Not a big loss by any means. I think you’re going to see a lot more of the ex-WWE guys leaving the roster soon. TNA is spending a ton of money taking Impact on the road, and they aren’t getting a lot back from it. It’s time to trim the fat and go back to what made you exciting in the first place, which is building home-grown talent. Ten years down the road, we’re not going to remember Ken Anderson vs Jeff Hardy, but we’ll always remember the triple threat matches with Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, and Christopher Daniels. They should start scouting ROH and NWA, because WWE is already there.

MATCH OF THE WEEK:

The match of the week has to be Daniel Bryan vs Seth Rollins. These two gave WWE fans a taste of ROH wrestling. The highlights of the match were watching Bryan suicide dive towards Rollins knocking him over the announce table and the epic top rope German suplex in which Rollins flipped landing on his stomach across the ring. This is just great stuff folks.

Check back next week, where we’ll move one step closer to Night of Champions. Rasslin!!


About the Author

Brian Caudill

Lover of all things nerdy. Life-long pro wrestling fan. Occasional eater of worlds.