How Matt Murdock and Mark Waid Saved My Life or The Power of Comic Books like Daredevil #10

Comic books make me okay. Well, scratch that. Good comic books make me okay and books like Daredevil #10 justify and validate my reasons for being alive.

For those who are unaware, Mark Waid’s run on Daredevil is a far stretch from the gloomy and dour atmosphere that pervaded within the pages of books featuring the old hornhead. This wasn’t without good reason, however. Daredevil, and more specifically Matt Murdock’s life, was grim. From his first appearance, his story has been one filled with regret, tragedy, and loss. Something about this character and the way he was written always made for a depressing, realistic, and grim sort of reality that he enveloped. The death of his father, the loss of his lover Karen Page, his tumultuous relationship with Elektra and currently, Foggy Nelson’s battle with cancer have all made for Matt Murdock to have an incredibly hard life and have pushed his depression to it’s utmost breaking point. I always found it incredibly interesting and inspiring that a man filled with that much pain declares himself a “man without fear”.

I tend to cry easy. A common idiom that my group of friends like to use is that “Justin cries at everything”. Things move me in ways others can’t seem to feel. Truth be told, I relate a lot with Matt Murdock and I have an even greater feeling that I relate to Mark Waid. Suffice to say, Daredevil #10 is the best comic book I have read all year. It spoke to me in ways that I have only hoped other things could. Not since All Star Superman #10 have I felt this passionately about a comic book (both make me cry, hard). In the pages of Daredevil #10, Matt Murdock ends his fight with the Purple Man, an incredibly harrowing and frightening villain with an albeit initially silly super power. Simply put, Purple Man has the ability of absolute manipulation through his words. Whatever he says, you must do. In order to truly break Matt Murdock, he used his power to completely rip out any sort of mental defenses Matt Murdock had against his depression and bring all of that pain and anguish to the forefront yet again.

I never feel uncomfortable talking about my depression. It’s almost easy for me. If I can share it, I have control over it. This past year has been especially hard for me. A lot of emotional turmoil and anguish that I sought to suppress brought itself to the limelight of my life yet again. Getting out of bed and going to sleep remained the hardest. Restless nights and mornings of entrapment persevered over any glimmer of hope. I felt like Matt does in Daredevil #10 and to be honest, sometimes I still feel like that. But something within me has changed and this issue has solidified that change for me.

The greatest storytelling feat that the master Mark Waid enacts remains in the final two pages of the issue. Matt, having (poorly) convinced his girlfriend that he’s happily dealt with his depression after defeating and apprehending the Purple Man, goes home to force himself to sleep and ends up having what looks to be a panic attack. I have been there. A lot. Waid proves his master stroke in this page. He makes you think that this is the final page, that he is leaving Matt Murdock to rot in his loneliness like so many other (dare I say, lesser) authors have sought to do. He even goes so far as to have the Daredevil “DD” insignia depicted on the “final” panel which usually signifies the end of the title. However, ever so brilliantly, Waid tells us that this is not the end. What follows is the final page:

This page, I believe, clearly illustrates the concept of pure hope and is beautifully rendered by the masterful Chris Samnee. Samnee uses the four panels of the phone to signify the restlessness that comes with the onslaught of panic attacks that Matt Murdock is experiencing. His face in the shadows, I believe, could almost be a complete dead ringer for many a lonely and restless night that I have experienced. But what seals the deal is how Matt’s girlfriend is already waiting for his call. She knows how hard it can be and she is completely willing to help. Make no mistake, dear readers, so too are the feelings of Mark Waid and Chris Samnee.

I can pinpoint the beginning of my victory in my uphill battle against depression to one day. I met Mark Waid this year, one Saturday at Motor City Comic Con in Novi, Michigan. I can honestly tell any of you who happen to stumble upon this article that this is the most inspiring moment in my life. I remember waiting in line, with two of my best friends, shaking and excited, ready to meet someone who (although they didn’t know it) meant the world to me. At that time in the Daredevil comic series, Matt Murdock’s best friend Foggy Nelson was struggling with cancer, a disease that has afflicted many love ones throughout my family. However, it is through the hope and love that Matt and Foggy have for each other that they persevere through their tribulations. This remains one of the most constant themes in Waid’s run on Daredevil, that being one of complete hope through love.

The first thing I said to Mark Waid, choking back tears, was “Thank You. Thank you and I love your work on Daredevil”. He calmly smiled and said “Thank you, that’s what I’m here for!” I returned and told him that if Foggy Nelson ended up dying of cancer that I was going to have a terrible year of my life. What he said remains the most awe-inspiring interaction I have had with another human being. What Mark Waid said is as follows:

“I couldn’t do that to you. I can’t write a cynical story. These two characters, Matt and Foggy, are two broken people who get by through needing each other”.

“I couldn’t do that to you”. That will always ring through my head when I am in the hardest of times. I had Mr. Waid sign both of my Daredevil #1’s and politely asked for a picture. What follows is what I believe to be the happiest picture ever taken of me.

I walked away from Mark Waid’s booth smiling and shaking. I walked away from Daredevil #10 smiling and shaking. Maybe it’s the fact that we’re all gingers, Mark, Matt, and I. Maybe it’s the fact that we all find hope through fellow comic book characters. Maybe it’s the fact that we find love in the hope our best friends bring us. Or maybe it’s another reason. Maybe it’s the fact that Mark Waid initiated me, in a matter of speech. He made me a man without fear and I, Justin Micallef, wear my metaphorical red, Satan-emblazed horned cowl with pride, hope, and love. Thank you Matt Murdock. Thank you Mark Waid.