Written by: Scott Snyder
Art by: Greg Capullo, Jonathon Glapion, & FCO Plascencia
Published by: DC Comics
I don’t know why I’m here, which is probably a good enough reason to be here. Nothing in Scott Snyder’s Dark Knights Metal event knows why its here either. It’s a big ol’ soup of words, concepts, and punching, and we’re all supposed to care because Batman and Superman almost died that one time again. Also the universe as we know it might end. Queue the dramatics.
I’ve started a handful of these reviews comparing this series to Shonen anime, but I want to take a new direction this time. No, see Dark Knights Metal is more like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Batman is Twilight Sparkle, Superman is Applejack, and Wonder Woman is Rainbowdash. Friendship, of course, is magic, because that’s what this all boils down to. It’s superheroes believing in their friends and the power of friendship to overcome the evil badguys who want everyone to live in darkness. I guess that makes them Changlings…or Starlight Glimmer prior to Season 6. No one is Discord because Discord is fun and I’m not having fun.
It all feels very juvenile, is what I’m getting at. The book is positing the apocalypse, and it all boils down to friendship is magic, and so is magic metal. Friends have magic metal.
Magic metal solves a ton of problems.
So does a spirit bomb. We’re back to Shonen anime, and I’m being hard to understand on purpose. So is the comic though, so I’m in good company.
The problem with Dark Knights: Metal is that it’s doing way too much with too little page space. It has about a dozen concepts going on–stories within stories, music, friendship, good vs evil, we’re not that different you and I, the multiverse, Sandman, ancient bird people, creation vs destruction, and three others I’m sure I just don’t remember because they weren’t touched on here. That’s a lot of ideas, and the series really doesn’t tackle any of them to any completion save maybe the multiverse. But even then, it ends on a multiverse cliffhanger, so it’s hard to call that one wrapped up.
Meanwhile, I’m just confused. I don’t remember what happened last time, but I thought we left off with Batman and Superman almost dead. How come they’re alive and well? Did they get saved in a tie-in? If so, can I be mad about that? I feel like I can be mad about that.
Sandman, by the way, doesn’t serve any purpose, so his inclusion from the beginning was nothing more than a giant PR stunt. I know I can be mad about that.
At least it’s pretty. Well, save for some of the text bubbles which feature really wild font colors and fonts, making them hard to read.
Dark Knights: Metal is six issues of very loud noise with no melody to it. There’s a throughline here somewhere, but it diverges every other page so characters can say something stupid, and while it all ties together, it does so in a way that is also without melody. It really is what happens when someone has a cool idea and no editor.