Hey everyone! It’s time for me to quickly review some stupid comics, but first, we have to talk about something that’s really fucking important. See, my friend sent me some Xenomorph rule 34, where the alien was blowjibbering two people at the same time. At. The. Same. Time! The outer mouth had a big ol’ penis in it, and the inner mouth–normally used for biting through heads–had another penis in it. It was an understandably smaller penis.
I feel like this is metaphorical for–
Okay no I don’t. It’s just a stupid PSA that there’s porn of everything if you look hard enough, and if you get hard enough, you can masturbate your own penis without the aid of a Xenomorph.
The Xenomorph didn’t have any boobs, which on reflection, is a bit of a loss. It should have had its own penis too. I mean, the more the merrier. I wish David had been in the picture too, now that I think about it. I wonder if I could draw this… It would be almost incestuous really, because David and the Xeno have a father/son relationship in Alien: Covenant. That adds its own little spice though, so really, we’re going extra hard.
I said hard. Extra hard. Think about it. Abou tit. Tits.
Comic books.
Nightwing: The New Order #1
So this was a delightful surprise in that it wasn’t terrible. Hell, it was actually pretty good! The whole “superhero turned fascist thing” feels a bit done to death ever since Marvel shat up Steve Rodgers, but at least the execution here isn’t shite. The dialogue is handled well, and the world building is handled well. I wasn’t blown away mind you, but I had fun. I also liked the twist ending. Solid book.
Moonstruck #2
My views on Moonstruck haven’t really changed. It’s a solid comic book with a fantastic art style that is absolutely not for me. I like bits and pieces–its handling of goofy ass monsters is fun, and the mysterious girlfriend is super fucking cute–but the overall romance plot doesn’t jive with me. I just don’t like that kind of story very much. I really do appreciate what this book is trying to do, and I really do appreciate the variety it brings, but I also probably won’t grab the next issue. If LBGTQ romance with centaurs and werewolves appeals to you though, give this a look. I really want it to find its audience.
Plastic #5
Plastic went the way of True Detective. The first half was golden, with one fucked up character, and the second half was fucked up with too many fucked up characters. Introducing a new person in issue 3 turned out to be a mistake, and by five, the story went from dark and twisted to a worn-out joke. I didn’t hate it, and like with Moonstruck I’m glad it exists as a different kind of story told via the comic book medium, but man. I wanted something else. It got too absurd for its own good, which is saying something given the premise.
Redneck #5
Cates is awesome. I like him lots. You should read his books, especially the one that has vampires in it.
Hard Place #1
What a strange book. Everything about it is competent or even good, but the sum of its parts adds up to something not very interesting or compelling. The artwork is great, the character work is great, but the plot is so fucking boring that I can’t help but not give a big ol’ shit about anything else. There’s maybe a good story here somewhere in the future, and I’ll for-sure be back for the next issue, but only if I haven’t forgotten I read this one.
Generation Gone #2
The first issue’s cliffhanger brought me back weather I liked it or not, but now I not. The plot is more generic–somehow–the character work is worse, and the artwork features some completely shit panels. It’s not horrible like Reborn or Romulus, but it’s very much not worth reading. You’d do better looking at Xenomorh rule 34.
